THE LIFE AND TIMES OF A NIGERIAN ABROAD!

Being currently based in a country nothing like the mother land has its pros and cons (shet see my big big grammar). Being in Canada under study permit is not as easy as it seems. I always remind myself that if I mess up I will just be sent back with force. Being Nigerian in the “overseas” some things occur here which amaze me and I want to share them with you.

• The most common thing as u all might guess is the OYINBOS. Ewoo!! *hits hands on head* they are so fascinating. I find myself staring in awe at what some of them do. Come in all forms some are anti toothbrush, anti deodorant, anti look good in public, anti water touching my body (that is widely known as taking a bath). I was fortunate to be in the same room with one of them once, I woke her up to take her bath and her response was “No Bimbo, not today”. MY GOD!! I stood there wandering if I heard her right. Some of them look like they are being fed fertilizers on a daily basis (I dare u to fight with them) so fat and nasty. I am always caught staring when I see them eating I feel like I owe them a slap like as my feeling sorry for them…. Ur fat like this and u still dey chop??

• FOOD!! – As a Nigerian we are born to be hungry at all times. You know how when you at home and watching B.B.C food on TV an be thinking ‘ohh when I go to school that is that what I will be eating’? Please don’t let the TV fool you it’s a lot of rubbish! When I was coming to this county I was fronting to pack Garri and Stock fish and you know them groundnut. *shaking head in regret* I will go to the cafeteria and they will be serving grass (code name salad) then I think to myself, do I look like a goat?? But the thing that pisses me off the most is when I see those oyinbos enjoying it. *frowns*

• God is good!!! That is what one of my friends yelled when he saw snow falling, he is Nigerian by the way. It’s only in the overseas that the rain is white like cotton wool falling. It’s just sad that the excitement does not last for long if not you shall freeze.

• One of the things fascinates me in the overseas is the freedom of expression. When the oyinbos and some of our African copycats indulge (big word mehnn) in PDA (public display of affection) I wonder if their home is that that they can’t resist the urge. I see a lot of them in the school hallways and I can honestly say ‘I AM TIRED OF ALL THE RUBBISH’ and I don’t think I am the only one. Some months ago there was orientation for the new students and as you know parents were there this shameless Mexican couple just turned on themselves. An Igbo mother walked passed and she was like “CHINEKE!! This oyinbos people are the same everywhere” then she calls her son “*insert boys name* if I hear anything about you doing something like this you will see! “

• When you are abroad you just become shameless. I don’t care at all. If I want I will dance Alanta on the road. Do you know me? If you do, do you know my house?

• Don’t Chinks just annoy you?? I derive so much joy in speaking Yoruba, Pidgin or PROPER English in the elevator when they are there. I find it really funny when they want to get in the elevator and you sharply close it. The expression on their face is so priceless they have the ‘Oh my God she did not just do that’ look. 

• It baffles me that whenever I am happy or exited I get asked questions and statements like “Are you on drugs” or “You should really lay off that stuff”. You know I was once searched for drugs by the police. They did not give us the world’s happiest people for nothing. Be frowning your face there.

• I have an experiment for all of you to try; the purpose is to know the amount of Nigerians present in a place. MATERIALS- voice and a place with a lot of people. PROCEDURE- Just shout “ACE” (the universal gala calling sound) RESULT- Only Nigerians will turn around. THIS IS EXPERIMENT IS PROVEN!

I hope u liked it, please leave your comments
Bimbo
xx